Remember??

last week,

when my brother graced us with his wisdom?

let’s talk about WHY.

YOU DID IT!

You’re excited, but something feels … off.

“I thought after I got into college, I would be less stressed about my future”

“I’ve got a wife that I love, a great-paying job, and everything I wanted. Why am I sad?”

We often arrive at a destination with elation and anticipation until the very end of our journey.

Then we get the acceptance letter, partner, promotion, or other goal in hand.

and we are stressed about that other thing we want to accomplish.

“yeah I graduated … but ahhhhh now I have to find a job!”

“we finally caught up on our household chores, but now dinner is done and the kitchen is a mess again”

Oops, my fault!

Like I was saying:

This lesson came about because I made a few significant personal growth leaps and bounds.

Yet, I was still stressed about an unrelated health milestone and wasn’t allowing myself to celebrate.

My brother scoffed, so annoyed

I work hard.

I often work so hard I don’t pause to enjoy the fruits of that labor.

In this moment, my brother reminded me of where I was mentally BEFORE those personal growth milestones.

He reminded me that I’ve come SO. FAR.

And he made me sit in that, appreciate it, and celebrate the win.

I’d arrived!

And I actually enjoyed it.

Even if that goal is important,

we inflate its importance by thinking reaching it solves our problems.

people often make conflations like:

promotion @ work = confidence in self

losing the weight = liking what one sees in the mirror

reaching goals based on society’s pressures = success in life

It attributes the achievement of our deepest desires in life to random, fleeting goalposts.

It buries our deeper insecurities, traumas, and wishes under singularity.

Life is bigger than that.

You need to remember that we can have more than one thing happening at once.

A few weeks ago, I shared a lesson from the great Marcia Thomas:

You accomplished a goal, but you’re so stressed about the next one that you can’t even enjoy it.

Life is long. It’s full of moments, many of them awesome.

You have to pause long enough to notice.

Otherwise, you’re just rushing until the end of your life.

FOR WHAT?

Literally, that’s it.

Check in.

Check in daily or weekly or monthly, whatever you can manage.

Notice what went well. Celebrate yourself.

Pause for a moment, and celebrate for one minute longer.

Savor it. You deserve it.

Then, notice what you struggled with, and find a new goal to get excited about.

And set SOME kind of reminder to CHECK IN AGAIN.

And keep doing that. You’ll realize when you take a moment to stop and reflect that you have a lot to celebrate.

10/10 recommend

(👇 these are not affiliate links, these journals are just mad helpful ❤)

(👆 the first I purchased; the second was a gift from a lovely friend 🤍)

It doesn’t mean your life’s work is complete or you’ve solved all your problems.

But whatever you’ve accomplished or overcome? It means you conquered that!

Arrival fallacy happens when we attribute all our happiness to achieving a particular goal.

Happiness happens when on our way to each goalpost we:

Does this mean you never should feel motivated after you reach a goal? no.

Does this mean you should reach a goal, stop, and celebrate forever? DUH, no.

I’m just saying don’t chase a goal for so long that the destination is bleak because you lost sight of the people and beauty that brought you to the finish line in the first place.

I’m just saying pause to celebrate wins before you rush to your next feat.

as one of my lovely friends always says:

Learn from people way more interesting than me on the podcast!

Catch up on previous lessons.

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