- Love, your business Mom
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- Lesson 23 🤏
“Can I hold $20 until Friday?”
A tale as old as time.
When your friend or loved one is short on cash, it’s no question.
If I got it, you got it! That’s our money, friend 🫂
People close to you have earned your trust.
They need $20 until Friday? BET.
You know you’re getting it back by Friday!
Ok, great.
You have value to give.
What happens when it’s hours of your time?
or thousands of dollars of your product?
for someone you don’t even know like that?!
😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
We’ve all experienced it at some point.
The epidemic of people extracting every ounce of work they can from you for as little fee as possible.
AKA, your “friend”, your client, everybody and their brother screaming:
GIMME THAT 🤏
1️⃣ A PROBLEM: your work is good
🙋 “Ummmm… business Mom… how in the world is that a problem?!
👩🏻🍳 “Let me cook”
You’re smart. You’re talented. You bring value.
Logically, people would want to return that value you share with them.
Without even thinking about it, most of us try to be reciprocal in relationships, professional and otherwise.
When you move with good intentions, and someone shows you care, support, or helps you out?
It’s only natural to want to share value back in return.
In friendships
Baking cookies for your friend who always reads your cover letters.
Setting up your bestie who has your back with blind date they’ll ACTUALLY enjoy.
You know, a natural give and take that nobody is actually tracking.
In relationships
Taking out the trash for your partner and coming back to a clean sink of dishes.
Finding a surprise cappuccino at your door from your partner who is out of town while you handle business at home.
You know, a natural give and take that nobody is actually tracking.
In professional, collaborative spaces
The colleague you did a beta test for shouting out your next launch.
Sending a referral to a vendor who did incredible work for you under a tight deadline.
You know, a natural give and take that nobody is actually tracking.
VULTURES though? 👀
They’re not having any of the “reciprocity” mess.
They want what you have.
They want it as close to free as possible.
They want it about 3 weeks ago 🏃🏻♀️
& now that’s YOUR problem for some reason.
2️⃣ A REALIZATION: some people refuse to read the room
You know, like—
The friend who invites you out to dinner then expects you to pay their portion
The client who adds 3 deliverables a week before the deadline but is “oblivious” to why that would be an additional fee.
The person in your DMs who just had a “quick question” and now expects a full brand audit and 90-day content plan by sundown because you build rapport.
Must I really continue?
Or did you just think about fiftyleven people who fit the description 🤭
You get the idea.
It’s not that these people CANNOT read the room.
It’s that they absolutely refuse to.
I once had a “friend” who stole my entire design,
and as a result: my client.
Yeah, you read that right.
She got access to my database architecture.
She quite literally copied it in the software.
Then she presented it to the client as if it was her own creation.
The fields still said “_copy” in the description, like bro did not even try 😆 but I digress—
I once had a more prominent agency steal my process.
And they made a whole video.
And put it on YouTube.
And made tens of thousands in client services sales as a result.
Yet, they haven’t posted anything innovative since.
They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same
I once had a “friend” “borrow” $800 that I never got back.
She “really” needed it, ok?!
I didn’t know better back then…
At a time I was making $2.13/hr plus tips.
And the tips were not tipping at the time.
Never saw her again either.
^ y’all knowing she would disappear before you even finished the anecdote 😂
The point is when you’re doing awesome things?
yeah, the vultures will swoop in to pick it apart.
Take your money.
Waste your time.
Extract your IP and creative innovation.
TAKE WHAT THEY WANT. QUICKLY. WITH AS LITTLE FEE AS POSSIBLE.
Ok, so why?
A few reasons:
laziness
jealousy
their own self-doubt about creating something great
greed
the list goes on
Who cares about why though?
The real question is how do we prevent it?
And how do we recover when the vulture is too powerful (AKA wealthy/connected) to be stopped?
3️⃣ A SOLUTION: boundaries ➕ pivots
The only way to prevent a vulture is to establish boundaries.
The only way to recover from a final-boss-style vulture is to pivot.
A boundary
What is that?! 👇
Boundaries are our limits, it’s how much we’re willing to take from other people. Boundaries teach others how to treat us, they say ‘this is okay or you’re starting to enter enemy territory.’ They also tell other people ‘hey, my needs matter just as much as yours.’
YOU decide what and how much of it you will put up with.
“3 rounds of revisions”
“Response required within 48 hours”
“If you’d like some help troubleshooting, I offer remote support here.” 💅
YOU set a threshold (3a) for tolerating behavior.
YOU uphold that and stand on it.
They clocked it, Biebs. They just REFUSE to act accordingly, that’s the lesson.
A pivot
SOMETIMES, you are facing a giant.
I really admire when people fight a court battle or go hard against a theft on social media.
I love it. You’ll always have me cheering for you.
Me personally though?
I’m busy. I’m a parent. I’m exhausted if I don’t rest.
I’ve found it’s much simpler, and often more beneficial in the long run, if I pivot.
WHY?
Honestly, I like to pick my battles.
Normally, I get a higher ROI on taking a loss and seeing what else I can do.
My “friend” stole my design. I made new ones.
Fellow PM swipes my assignment? I got a new, higher paid contract 💅
Creator copies my series with no shoutout? I make the series 10x better.
This takes the power and focus away from the vulture.
It puts the next step fully in my hands.
I once had a client scream at me (at 2am mind you)
Why?
He asked me on Wednesday NOT to update the workspace settings.
Then on Friday he said actually he changed his mind and I need to update them per my recommendations earlier that week.
I communicated immediately that I would be offline that weekend and could not accommodate a last-minute change.
I’d be happy to have work on that start Monday and be handled within 2-3 days.
He agreed.
Monday at 2am I’m getting WhatsApp notifications like:
📲 “Where’s the update?!”
📲 “Why haven’t we started yet?!?!?!”
📲 “You’re such a [curse word] [curse word] [slur for women].”
📲 “You said this would be fast, where is it? I cannot [offensive term] believe you!”
and you know what I did?
I ended that contract re: abuse terms in our agreement.
^ a boundary
He signed a new contract for the remaining work with:
an even stricter abuse clause (like don’t play with me!!)
strict, time-bound deadlines for both agreed deliverables AND his feedback
an expiration date on support
clear terms that if he ever talked to me like that again I could walk away with no further obligation
^ clear, obligatory boundaries
and the work got done,
and I got paid,
his team still got the system updates they needed 🫶
and I blocked that man on every platform possible and moved on with my life 😂
See? A boundary, and a hard pivot. It’s simple.
😊
As for that “friend” who stole my work?
That client was also a vulture who was trying to get free work out of me.
Turns out they were a match made in heaven 🤭
And yeah, I obviously don’t consider her a friend now or speak to her.
full pivot ✨
4️⃣ THE NUANCE ✨
Not every situation is this cut and dry.
Sometimes, someone steals from you and you cannot recover with just a pivot.
In those situations? Fight like hell and get support from anyone you can.
In those situations? COMMUNITY is your super power. Let people pour into you the way you pour into them. Lean into the reciprocal, positive relationships to combat the effects of the vulture.
Until next week,
don’t wear your OUTSIDE clothes IN your bed after a long day out
don’t wait until the next election to check your voter registration status
& DO remember to drink some water today
Love,
Other ways to connect 💟
get it from the Source(d)
Sourced is a skincare company close to my heart. They are based in New York, source their shea directly from family connections in Ghana and on a mission to bring simple, clean beauty to us all that’s kind to our skin (and the planet).
One of their co-founders, Sydney Borlabi came on the podcast a few weeks ago, and I 10/10 recommend learning from her about how to work in a way that aligns with your values and the wild journey of starting a family-owned business in these times.
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